Oh River!

Seeing as Im going to be in Regional Command Capital, also known as the Frog sector I have decided to practice my french as shown in the title! Now I get to see the white issued flags these guys carry first hand!

Gonna keep it short for now but suffice it to say that I will use this blog (Victor's idea...smart man he is!)to tell you all the trials and tribulations of beautiful downtown Kabul.

I will be wheels up around the 25th of the month and am in the process of buying all the required shit for the trip and subsequent 1 year out of country.

Keep in touch gents!

When you wish upon a star...

Hockey Pools well I still am looking for the piece to the puzzle that will put me a bit higher...all in vain, sigh. So in that light I will put down in words absolutely nothing to do with hockey cause I'm at a loss as to what to say.

That being said I will rant about a few things that have pissed me off over the years..

How many of you watched "I dream of genie" as a teenager? That genie was friggin hot! The only wish I had was for her to make me small so I could jump in the bottle with her and just wear her the fuck out.

Speaking of that, I have bone to pick with God. Think about this...Adam and Eve...Close your eyes and picture this...there they are in the beautiful garden doing nothing but doggie, the gut cruncher, the monkey and any other postion they wanted to. Honestly what a life, eating, sleeping, and fucking all day until that skank had to climb up the tree and munch on the apple. Then the world went to shit. So in God's mind he says...Hey bitch, I told you not to eat that shit, yet here you are up my fucking tree chewing on the Granny Smith! What the fuck? Are you stupid? Ok, now Im pissed, so what kind of punishment can I give you....snicker snicker...ok I got it! Every 28 days, give or take Im gonna make you bleed! What he failed to say was along with this glorious affliction he was going to give the ladies PMS. Come on God, What the fuck is that? Why you punishing the Dudes? So once a month your lovely hot wife turns into a freakish creation bordering on a cross between frankenstein, Bobby Knight, a serial killer, a doberman, a possesed cabbage patch kid and the fucking devil on acid. WHY??? Cause da bitch climbed the tree! Not me!! Fuck me, thanks God! I really needed that. Now you all know why guys drink!

I heard someone talking about air conditioning and how it was not natural...stupid fucking engineer can make cloned sheep but air conditioning is not natural? What the hell, I mean its just a solution to a problem...its hot, you turn on a switch, its now cool! Kinda like the time I was hungry, so I ate..you know that full satisified feeling? Idiot. Another one for "Thin the heard day".

Best t-shirt I seen recently...A big dude about 350lbs, wearing a shirt that said "I whipped Anexoria's Ass".

Note to kids...if you get a drive to school from your mommy, you ain't a punk, pull your friggin pants up...Ya comes to my house for a date with my daughter I'll be pullin out my nail gun and will nail em to your stomach.

More stupid thoughts...I remember the day I finally figured out what "WWJD" means...it means What would Jesus Do...this was a bumper sticker I saw...My first thought? Was to write underneath it..."For a Klondike Bar" :-). The best one on a dirty vehicle? "i wish my wife was this dirty" :-)

If drunks can sue bars that provide them the alcohol, then why cant fat people sue candy stores?

So way back in 1985 Trooper was in the Airborne regt and was on exercie down in Quantico Va. After the odd beer (1,5, 27) Trooper jumped on the table in this Jarhead bar and stated in a not so frightening voice "Show me the biggest Jarhead and I'll show you the biggest Chicken". Well honest to God this friggin monster stands up....Ya'll see Independance day? Remember when that big black guy runs to stop him from stealing the chopper? Well dude was bigger than that. I swear, he walks up my table...again while Im standing on it and dude looks me in the eye, I swear he was beast! He says "I guess I'm the biggest Jarhead" My only answer to that was..."And Im the biggest chicken" Thank you Jesus that dude had a good sence of humor! Anyway it was a good night of drinking :-)

My final peeve for the day...You all know my last name, the thing that really pisses me off if when someone asks me...where is that from? My first answer? From my father. Then they laugh (idiots) and say no what country is that from...My answer...Canada.

Who are you and how did you get here?

Well, that was interesting week to say the least! We started the week by calling in an airstrike on the troops. If we would have looked up in time we would have seen a few ground attack aricraft inbound on Trooper. After they loosed their load of BGU cluser fuck bombs there was not much left of the team! Trades, trades and more trades. Some easy some not so easy. I was coveting 3 defencemen and in the end got one of the 3 I wanted in Frankenstien. As an added bonus we picked up Jokie (finally!), Getslaf, and Rafalski. Raffi I could take or leave, but I did like his performance in Rocky Horror, but he cant play music for shit.

This morning the leprachaun gave me back the leaky wall for another sick bay player, a new acquisition and Mike's 7th rounder next year. What goes around comes around...welcome back Habbibby Boo! You better start producing or I'll call in the F-18's and strafe your ass ya foreign piece of shit. Live up to your salary or donate it to me.

So at the end of the week Im either a pretty smart dude or dumb as a bag of carrots. Time will tell I guess. Now I get to sit back and watch the games cause it might be a while before we can reload the GPMG and pull the trigger on another trade....but who knows.

Speaking of guns....naaa maybe not....

A question was posed to me by by domestic boss this week. It went somethign like this....Darling let's go buy a new house ok? I guess that was a question???? kinda felt like I was corporal again taking orders. So the process has started and we are looking at buying a house. Probably in the Hidden Valley area. I would rather wait till summer, and might win this one but who knows. The only real answer is yes dear as we all know.

Boom goes the Dynamite!

Where's Hasek's package?

I've fallen and I can't get up! Poor Mr broken strikes again....Is this injury the one that will finally make this dinosaur sit up and take notice that he aint in his 20's anymore? I must admit it does not surprise me in the least and is one of the reasons I grabbed Osgood in the draft. Well I got that one right.

Objections...well you know my point on that. At this point I really could care less and will just leave it to time to prove it out. I just shook my head at the idiocy. So if you are looking for another flame-throwing blog entry on this go somewhere else. Suffice it to say that I will be abstaining from any of them in the future. Go nuts.

So Mrs Jagr's little boy has now almost earned the title of "Mr." How long you been in the league hairdo boy! About time you started to grow a pair! Your MIDOL is in the medicine cabinet ya freak. In short he goes out blew a shoe, blew a glove, then gets the biscuit in the mush and spews his chicklets all over the ice, improving his look at the same time, then goes and gets his gums sewn up, comes back and scores a goal. Well done Goldilocks! (If he would have gone and tried to find his teeth like J.R. Superstar, I would give him the title Mr)I still hate you soccer boy. Maybe my boy Randy Jones will decorate the boards with your face as well when he comes back from his....ummm...layoff?

So Shanny finally got going last night. Was about to give up on the old man. He has been in and out of the line-up all year and was going to be replaced by Jokie, but that's another story ain't it.

I wake up and hear that Kipper has parked his ride next to the gravy train and signed a new contract for a dump truck full of cash. 35 Mill? Then Tony Romo gets what 65 mill? And Pay-Rod opts out of his contract...Fuck me. Gonna have to take out a 2nd mortgage to see a game soon.

Look who is back in town...the Broadstreet Bullies have emerged yet again with 3 of their players suspended for brutal hits on opposition teams. Gotta like the fact that at least my boy took out a frog. Patrice, have fun breathing for the next little while! Nice beak dude! I tell you, the only thing worse than a busted beak is broken ribs. Yes I've had both, nose 3 times, 4 ribs, broken wrist, legs, shoulder, ruptured achilles, broken fingers, ankle, and 3 knee surgeries. Talk about a wreck! Sure give me some good stories :-) Sigh, too bad my boy Jones got suspeneded for 2 games when he should have got a medal. Randy next time turn him around and smear him ok, that way I get the points and you get to break the pufta at the same time.

So Ihor beat me by 0.4 points this week. Oh well, I will get it back this week as Paul has broken the golden rule and come out and started talking trash in public stating he was basically gonna kick my ass. Ok old man, keep the yap going. If we dont learn from the past we are destined to repeat it. The last person to come out and smack talk me ended up a bloody corpse in the corner of the rink bleeding profusely and needing medics and finally a coroner. See ya at the funeral home on Sunday Paul!

War Slaughtering Frogs.

Another one bites the dust!

A whole new Meaning to Career Day at School

Sticks and Stones...If Brian Burke Could Swear.

Grumpy bear has nothing on me this morning. Trevor and I worked on this for a week. This objection thing really friggin twisted me last night. Let me take you back to another trade. One in which I objected to a trade Victor made. I objected to this but the first thing I did was go and talk to Victor, I disagreed with him and then put in my objection. I feel if you are going to make an objection at least have the stones to say who you are...further, "it ain't fair" is a bullshit line and one that smells of fucking jealousy plain and simple....5 minutes to put in an objection sure cuts down the list of suspects. If you are going to object, put in a decent reason....Further, 5 minutes gives you no fucking time at all to give you any god-damn insight into the reasons and there was obviously no research either. So to provide you with what you should have done in the first place I will lay it out here. I will lay it out comparable to someone you might know as well...Sydney Crosby. Yes I understand that Kane is not Crosby. But I challenge you to find someone else with the stats comparable to Kane in the past decade. And if you want to say that Crosby can't be compared to Kane...give me a valid reason why not. Currently only Sundin, Zetterburg, Iginla and Nash are the only ones higher in scoring than Kane.....And Kane has a game or two in hand on a couple of them.

Patrick Kane Major Junior last year.

GP Goals Assists Points +/- PM

58 62 83 145 +42 52 (2.5 PPG)and just so they are close I will put Sid's next...

62 66 102 168 N/A 84 (2.7 PPG)
Sydney Crosby last year of Major Jr

So the next thing you might say is that he is not proven...certainly I agree...however last year when we drafted, if you can tell me that with only one year under his belt and being in my position you would not have taken Sydney #1 overall you would be full of shit and a lying mutherfucker. Plain and simple. Kane is and will be the best player on his team and I suspect that he might even rip Sydney's Rookie scoring this year cause he has a much better supporting cast than Sid did in his first year...Jokinen, yes proven average of 1.2ish a game.....Kane is on a much higher pace... I would be getting Horton's PP linemate and Trev would be getting Toews linemate on the PP as well. Basically benefiting both of us in the end.

Oh Victor, on a side note...remember when you said I drafted Kane too high? This is the part I disagree with in your assessment of my picks...

On another side note....look at the rookies I drafted so far....Kane, Toews, Malkin, Johnson....I think I did pretty good in the rookie scouting don't you think? Maybe I realy do know a little bit.

Oh just a friggin by the by.....Kane had 4 fucking points last night. Back on point...

So the next thing would go to Brunette vs Bieksa.....Im not even gonna get into this. They are so close it is not even funny. Stud defenceman, young franchise player, vs proven stud goal scorer...So that leaves what? a draft pick? If you owned either Kane or Crosby would you not want some sort of compensation? Open your eyes and get some glasses Mr Ref! That book is not a table decoration....If you want the info you have to open it and READ IT.

So at the end of the day to be honest I could understand if the objection came saying the trade was unfair to ME....Not Trevor.....SO DO YOUR FUCKING REASEARCH, and stop your friggin whinning over shit you did not get from me or did not have the players I wanted to get what you want...I said it yesterday didn't I? I knew someone would throw in their kleenex! Reeks of French tri-color through and through.

So ya Im pissed. Ya wanna take it outside? Wait till recess is over.

This system while I understand it is a fucking joke. Put your name to it and give a reason and have the package to talk to the people involved. Do the homework. Object all you want....I object to your Objection!

Wow, this has been the most focused I have been on the blog to date...guess I need to be chewed to stay on point....

I know, I have to work on my subtle. Maybe next life.

War growing a pair
War My mentor Brian the Bear Burkie!

Seasons Beatings

P.S. I feel better now and am back to normal :-)

Mine Eyes Have Seen the Glory!

SO after a year of just pretty much letting things ride on the team I had dressed, I decided to actually work my bench this year and holy crap what a difference a little efffort makes. The two basement dwellers, myself and Adam have rocketed up the standings to 1st and 5th overall and have won 3 out of 4 head to head matches...only reason we have not gone perfect is that we went against each other the first week. I lost...see the last post. However this week....The Troopers pulled out the .30cal and put an absolute BLOODY BEAT-DOWN on the commish by practically doubling his enemic point total. See that is what happens when you have little friggin weasels and frog pufta cry-babies on your team Mike. Mike the Medics can be found at the front of the building or by dialing 9-911 and give them your information...someon will come and pull the shrapnel out your corpse!

Holly trade talks Trooper! I have got no less than 5 people comming to me asking for trades to date and all have been pretty good offers, with the exception of one. I had to think about them all but in reality at this point there is only one player I want to pry away from someone, he should listen me thinks! But hey it is still early. Troopers team interest includes, in no particular order...Shanny, Kane, Bieksa, Crosby (as I laugh), Horton (still giggling), and my injured goalie...Let-one-in. I'm kinda liking being where I am in the standings and a little hesitant trading anyone until I get "an offer you can't refuse"...but then the rest of you bastards will be jealous and reject the trade cause you did not get him, right :-)

P.S. some of you hold your nickles and dimes so tight the beaver cries and bluenose sinks!

Williams - Chi - Trev you are a shit-pump, fuck I was pissed when I heard you scooped him on me. I got in at 0530 to grab him and beat Paul to the punch but then I heard Trev sent his at 0030. Grrrr! So in the meantime I have been inundating Ihor with my stupid mind changing dumb ass e-mails...I want him....no stop...I want him. Ihor is either laughing his ass off at me or just shaking his heading wondering how I can get up in the morning without assistance! Brush my teeth? Come on!

So the DUMB ASS AWARD of the week goes to..........

Me and Paul! both of us for not realizing that a greazy slimy scumball SIGS officer --- Is there really anything else? would be up at that hour to scoop the player of our choice. Well done Trev and thanks for nothing butt-munch!

On different note.....It is with tears in my eyes that the local racing season is over. Another year of sinking money into the bottomless pit we call our race car is over, sigh. Up until the last race we were in 3rd position with the Trooper comming home this year with a couple of 3rd place trophies. My partner Dave from the FAN960 radio got his first trophy ever this year with a 3rd and Tim our 'mentor' got a first. We were doing great until the last race when yours truly forgot to check the camber ont he right front tire prior to the race and as with anything mechanical...things move....we are allowed 5 degrees. We came in second that night however after our tech inspection were found to have a camber of 5.5 dgrees and were disqualified and placed at the back of the pack. Hence we dropped from 3rd to 7th at the end of the eyear. It was a tight race this year. ANother reason why I should recieve the award :-(
Yeah yeah I know its a hockey blog but racing has been in my blood for years!

Trooper has been down with food poisoning lately and had to take last thursday and friday off...if any of ya'll have stocks in imodium or Charmin do yourself a favor and check the market...Im sure you just made some money! On another shitty note, I ain't never gonna make no PMS jokes no more! Talk about cramps from hell! I laugh as all of you are now screaming "TO MUCH INFO!" Did not know weather to fart or shit so discretion being the better part of valor I ran to the crapper every time I thought I would do either. At the end I was screaming for a god-damn sno-cone to wipe my ass! On a good note, on Firday as I was curled up in the fetal position on the couch I watched We Are Marshall...Great movie, watch it! Very appropo as well considering they are named the Marshall Thundering Herd and I had the Thundering Shits! I'm a huge College football fan....Ask Trevor....anyway the Herd is 0-7 this year... If you really give a shit.
This week Im up against Ihor and expect another outstanding win! My predictions...
Adam, Jordan, Victor, Kevin, Mike and the TROOPER will emerge Victorious!

War Imodium, pepto bismol and the inventors of toilet paper!

"Not so much small Bear!" --- Bite me mom my ass she is on fire!!!!